Thursday, November 15, 2012

Sad Times at Coffee Hour



MSSA President Emily Hoffman is very sad.



Tragedy has struck at Northwestern University. The Department of Materials Science and Engineering's weekly coffee hour, seen by many as a lone ray of sunshine and laughter in the long post-Wednesday stretch to the weekend, was by most accounts, "the worst ever". Dozens of students, eagerly anticipating the break from checking facebook and email, were dismayed to find the atrium completely empty. The long plastic tables, normally arranged in the center of the room and nigh overflowing with an assortment of store-bought or lovingly baked goods, were bereft even of crumbs and shunted carelessly against the wall. The ominous lack of coffee instigated a flurry of fearful discussion; a quick check of the schedule soon identified the culprits as the Wolverton and Lauhon groups, which could not be reached for comment. "I keep hoping they'll trundle in with a big pile of delicious cakes.." commiserated one 2nd year PhD student, but that hope was shortlived.

The first-years (and George) are not amused
A lone representative soon came forth, bearing an offering of home-baked cookies that, while extremely tasty, could not satisfy the ravenous hordes for long. As the minutes passed more pilgrims arrived on the scene, their faces demonstrating confusion, dismay, even bordering on barely-contained outrage as their trust in humanity was forever shattered. Several more items were added to the paltry collection of foodstuffs, but the damage had already been done.
 
As we try to put back the pieces and move on with our lives we can only hope that the lessons of this day will be remembered lest the past repeat itself, inflicting immeasurable frustration and despair on future generations of graduate students, postdocs, faculty and staff.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Two Party System Once Again Impedes Cat from Reaching Political Office



This past tuesday, nearly $2,000,000,000 of combined campaign spending (not a joke http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/campaign-finance) came to a close ringing in a new government the same government for the next four years. While the nation, was busy watching news anchors tap on large fancy touch screens for hours at a time, Hank the Cat was hoping his dream would come true and that he would be appointed the Virginia Senate seat he had spent so long campaigning for. Hank, running as an Independent on a platform of increased tax credits for off-shore fisherman and ear scratches, promised to reduce the debt by promising to interact in a bipartisan manner between both sides of the aisle and serve as a peacemaker between the Democrats and Republicans.

Cats have long been discriminated against in pursuits of public office. A cat has never been elected to the presidency of the United States or even assumed a cabinet position. 15 years ago, Talkeetna, Alaska was the first town in the U.S. to elect a cat to official office. Mayor Stubbs, a true civil rights leader in the feline community overcame great adversity to become mayor where he has been successfully reelected multiple times. "It's a true shame in this day and age that a cat running for Senate must prove himself not based on the merit of his work but on the basis of his fur"-Mayor Stubbs.

Hank, unfortunately came in 3rd however he has great hope for the future. "A few years ago, people would think you were crazy to elect a cat to a Senate seat, and look how far we've come now. I'm confident that I will achieve my dream of being elected to a political office."-Hank the Cat